I've got a list of phrases that I discourage my students from using in their music lessons.
At the top of the list is "I'm sorry".
Played a wrong note or rhythm? Don't be sorry!
The fact that you can even recognize that you played an incorrect note or rhythm shows that your musical ear is working properly. Look, it happens! The more you practice, the higher your level of accuracy will be. No apology necessary.
Ran out of air while singing that phrase? Don't be sorry!
Your lungs did the best they could in that iteration of the exercise. We'll continue to work on posture and breath management and it will get better over time. No apology necessary.
Voice cracked? Don't be sorry!
The muscles in your throat did the best they could do while trying to negotiate that register shift. We'll continue to do exercises to help you with the transition between chest voice and head voice and it will get better over time. No apology necessary.
Apologizing for being human is simply not a good use of your time.If your body could have done more in that moment, it would have. Be kind to your body. Be comfortable with being perfectly imperfect.
Does this mean that we're glorifying mediocrity here? Of course not. We're always striving for excellence. But excellence doesn't doesn't come from beating yourself up and apologizing for your best effort. It comes from failing confidently and trying again and again. It comes from small incremental improvements that eventually become huge shifts.
The other problem with "over-apologizing" is that it's often a tell-tale sign of anxiety, people-pleasing, submissiveness, low self-esteem and/or a lack of self-trust.
This lack of confidence will create a barrier between you and your honest expression of the music.
The other nasty side-effect of self-deprecation is that it makes you an easy target for narcissists and other corrupt individuals. It's like wearing a big red sign on your forehead that says "I'm not sure of myself. Prey on me!" (Yes, I'm speaking from experience here.) Quite frankly, confidence is saferthan sheepishness.
Confidence doesn't have to be loud or brazen. It's simply an attitude that says "I know who I am. I'm comfortable in my skin. I love myself. I make no apologies for who I am. I don't need your approval."
Think for a moment about how that attitude will change your performance. Then think about how an increase in confidence will change your life.
The next time you're inclined to say "I'm sorry" in your music lesson, stick that apology in your back pocket. I'm sure it'll be useful some other time, when you're genuinely seeking forgiveness for some transgression.
If you'd like to work with me on your confidence in singing or piano, schedule a consultation session today!